In this week’s Torah portion, Vayetzei, Jacob marries two sisters, Leah and Rachel. Leah has children but Rachel, his favorite, is barren: “When Rachel saw that she had borne Jacob no children, she became envious of her sister; and Rachel said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or I shall die.’ Jacob became angry at Rachel and said, ‘Am I in the place of God, who has denied you the fruit of the womb?’”

The phrase “Am I in the place of God?” is also used later in the book of Bereshit when Jacob dies and Joseph’s brothers are afraid that Joseph will now take revenge on them: “Joseph’s brothers saw that their father died, and they said, ‘Joseph will hate us and visit upon us all the evil which we perpetrated upon him.’ They told Joseph, ‘Our father said before he died: “So shall you say to Joseph: please pardon the sin of your brothers”’ … And his brothers said, ‘Behold, we are your servants.’ And Joseph replied, ‘Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God?’” 

The following midrash links these two uses of this phrase and sees the eventual scene of the brothers being afraid of Joseph as a punishment for what Jacob said to Rachel. “Jacob said to Rachel: ‘Am I in the place of God?’ The Holy One said to Jacob, ‘By your life (as your punishment), in these very words her son is going to rise up and say to your children, “Am I in the place of God?”’”  

If Jacob and Joseph use the same words and the same theology (that God is making all the decisions), why does the Midrash fault Jacob and praise Joseph?

The difference between the two episodes is clear. In the first, Rachel is distraught, and instead of praying, instead of comforting her, Jacob essentially says, “I am not in charge, it’s all in God’s hands.”   He exonerates himself and does not take any emotional or spiritual responsibility. This results in a rift between Jacob and Rachel. In the latter case, the opposite happens; Joseph uses the idea that all is in God’s hands as a way of exonerating his brothers and making peace with them.   

The lesson is an important one. Just because something sounds religious or looks religious does not make it Torah. It is easy to say things that seem very religious, such as “everything is in God’s hands,” but our motivation matters tremendously. If we are hiding behind religion, we can render piety into its opposite, something divisive and self-serving, something that God disapproves of and is actually the opposite of what it may seem.