Greetings from Jerusalem!
In this week’s Torah portion, Moshe screams at the Jewish people and hits the rock and due to this, is unable to enter the Land of Israel. The Jewish people at this time are standing on the eastern banks of the Jordan river. For almost 40 years they have received water and manna from God and Moshe has led them through the desert, caring for them and nurturing them. All that time, the people have questioned his leadership and rebelled. This episode of the people complaining for water seems to represent just another occurrence in the long list of times that they demonstrate an attitude of ingratitude and lack of trust toward Moses. Yet, for some reason, this time it is the straw which breaks the camel’s back and Moses responds with great anger and can no longer tolerate leading them.
Trust and gratitude are the most essential elements in any relationship. Trusting the other and realizing how lucky you are to have someone who cares about you and is there for you, is everything in a relationship. The Jewish people here see the relationship between them and God, and between them and Moses as transactional. The people made a covenant and expect to constantly have what is coming to them; they are unwilling to wait. The Jewish people essentially say to Moses, “We don’t trust that you will take care of us and we don’t value the relationship itself; we value what you can give us.”
This kind of attitude of ingratitude and mistrust wears away at a relationship and before you know it, the relationship is gone. In an article in The Atlantic this week, a man writes about how his marriage ended because he often left a cup by the sink, which bothered his wife to no end. It was not the cup, per se, which wore away at the relationship, but the message, “I am not willing to see things through your eyes, to show you I care about your feelings.” Seeing things through the eyes of the other, understanding how the other feels, is essential in any relationship.
One could look at the story of Moshe hitting the rock and conclude that he did exactly the right thing. The people need mussar, they need rebuke, if they do not change their ways they will have no leader and no God. Isn’t Moshe’s reaction precisely the correct one—to get angry and rebuke them with the words: “Listen to me you rebellious ones”? If so, why does this result in the end of his relationship with the people?
The problem is that Moshe’s anger gets the best of him. After 40 years, he thinks they get it, that they have matured, but they haven’t. Instead of teaching the people how to trust and how to be thankful, instead of talking to them about the way in which their attitude is fraying the relationship, he hits the rock and yells at them, hoping they will get the message. But they won’t get the message. They are used to Moshe being there and they take him for granted.
This is a very difficult situation for anyone. Not until we have children of our own do we learn to appreciate our leaders and those who care for us. When we are young, we expect parents and leaders to serve us. Until we mature, we cannot really appreciate them or know how to have a relationship with them. Ultimately, the Jewish people in the desert are children, they have never had to be independent. Moshe must bear the brunt of them and see the big picture. He must remember why he is the leader—to bring the Jews to a better place, whatever that takes, to further Jewish history and to cultivate the potential they have. But there is a limit. Moshe is a real person; if he feels unappreciated, that the Jewish people only take without appreciation or trust, he reacts with anger. It is true that the people need mussar, rebuke, but it is Moshe who needs to figure out what they can hear, how to teach them to trust him and how to teach them to have gratitude. Not an easy task for Moshe or for any leader.