In this week’s parsha, the Jewish people have started the walk from Mount Sinai to the land of Israel and the people begin to complain.

“We remember the fish, which we ate for free in Egypt; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, onions, and garlic;  But now our soul is dried up; there is nothing at all; we have only this manna to look to…Moses said to the Lord, “Why have I not found favor in Your eyes that You place the burden of this entire people upon me?  Have I conceived all this people? have I brought them forth, that Thou say to me: Carry them in thy bosom, as a nursing-father carrieth the sucking child, unto the land which Thou didst swear unto their fathers? Whence should I have flesh to give unto all this people? They trouble me with their weeping, saying: Give us flesh, that we may eat.  I am not able to bear all this people myself alone, because it is too heavy for me. And if Thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray Thee, out of hand, if I have found favour in Thy sight; and let me not look upon my wretchedness.””

This reaction of Moshe stands in stark contrast to his earlier response to the Jewish people’s rebellion.   After the worship of the golden calf when God wants to destroy the people Moshe prays for God to forgive the people and says “If you do not, erase me please from your book…”  Previously Moshe was  willing to sacrifice himself for the people, but now he seems only frustrated and asks God to kill him if the Jews complaining is to continue.  Why the difference?

The worship of the golden calf was motivated by a noble desire.  The people wanted to connect with God, but could not, and so they replaced Moshe and God with the calf.   Now though, the Jewish people have the torah, they have the tabernacle, and they are on their way to their land.  Now it is, as the torah itself puts it, only about desire itself.  The talmud says that the fish they wanted are not actually fish, for, the mannah could taste like anything.  Rather they wanted freedom, desire, the physical as an end in itself.

Why now?  How is it possible that a people who has it all, who experienced God at Sinai,  now wants only physical pleasure?

In the torah this is a moment of great transition.  A transition that, ultimately, the people will not make and instead will spend 40 years in the desert.  This is the moment the Jewsh people have turned from Sinai to the land that they will inhabit.  It is a brand new undertaking, a scary new chapter.  When desire is an end in itself it is usually a defence against something else -feelings of anxiety, depression, or fear.   Desire for desire itself is actually the desire to escape the present.

Moshe wonders if this nation will really be able to own up to their mission.  Are they really the right people?  Can they grow up?   He can no longer be their nurse, they must become the mature nation they were destined to be.  Thus his reaction now is just the opposite of his reaction subsequent to the golden calf episode, now Moshe thinks perhaps he should give up on them.   But Moshe and God are a good team, when God wishes to destroy them Moshe comes to their rescue, when Moshe wants to, God has a plan.   The jewish people must persevere, and ultimately fulfill their Divine mission.