Our parsha, Ki Tisa, is primarily about the sin of the Golden Calf, but it is bracketed on both sides by Shabbat and the laws of the Mishkan. In the Torah, Shabbat and the Mishkan are often juxtaposed, and in halacha they are inextricably tied. On Shabbat, one is not allowed to build the Mishkan. The building of the Mishkan, with its 39 categories of creative construction, is what defines the melachot, the labors, that are forbidden on Shabbat. In this sense, Shabbat is really the “not building” of the Mishkan.
Why this intimate and opposite relationship between the Mishkan and Shabbat?
I think Shabbat and the Mishkan represent two interrelated ways of connecting to God, namely, the two sides to a relationship of love: intimacy and obligation. If there is only obligation and service in a relationship, then it is slavery; on the other hand, if there is only intimacy, it is infatuation. The combination of intimacy and obligation produces real love that is long-lasting.
How do the Mishkan and Shabbat achieve these two aspects of our relationship with God? The Mishkan is the place of avodah, of obligatory service which is methodical, systematic, filled with exactness and restraint. It is consistent, predictable and prescribed. Mishkan service is the opposite of spontaneity. It is loyalty and fulfillment of obligations. And this is essential for a good relationship, even a loving one. Whether carpool or laundry, or being there in a consistent way, such set, predictable obligations are essential for any trusting relationship.
This is balanced by Shabbat. Shabbat is the other aspect of a relationship, namely presence, intimacy and romance. The kabbalists tell us that on weekdays, to sanctify our actions takes work. When we eat on a weekday, it can be a holy act or a selfish one. It is all dependent on our kavanah, our intent, the blessings we make, why we are eating, what we do with the energy. But on Shabbat, just the act of eating is holy. Just being is holy, because we are being in God’s presence, in intimate relationship with God, so whatever we do can be part of that relationship. Like just being in the presence of the beloved, there is love without action, without service. On Shabbat, everything—sleeping, eating, playing a game—is part of being in a relationship with God.
Modern humans have a hard time seeing both sides of love—service and intimacy, “doing for” and “being with”—as important and needing to be in balance.
A recent article in the media writes:
“In 2021, a mother of two described her divorce in The New York Times as ‘an act of radical self-love,’ confessing, ‘I didn’t divorce my husband because I didn’t love him. I divorced my husband because I loved myself more.’ The same year, pop singer Adele was celebrated after admitting that she ‘voluntarily chose to dismantle’ her son’s ‘entire life’ in ‘pursuit of her own happiness,’ even though she ‘wasn’t miserable miserable’ in her marriage. Adele now sells ‘Divorced’ necklaces as merch…In the U.S., more than 40 percent of first marriages now end in divorce. And as our families have fallen apart, a generation of children lost a stable base to explore from, a place to call home…At the same time, a new type of influencer started appearing on our feeds, selling an individualist attitude toward love and relationships that framed any compromise as an affront to our rights, every commitment a threat to our autonomy.”—Freya India
The Jewish People who have been gifted with understanding the value of both service and intimacy in relationships, the Mishkan and Shabbat, have a rare and much-needed message to bring to our world.