In this week’s parsha, Re’eh, the Torah writes, “You are children of the Lord your God, do not cut yourself (out of anguish) when someone dies.”

Rashi comments: “Do not cut yourself when someone dies, as the Amorites do, since you are children of God and it is fitting that you should look nice and not cut up.”

Ramban gives a different reason for this prohibition: “If Rashi is correct, that this commandment is given so we look nice as we are representatives of God, then it should not only be associated with a reaction to a loved one dying. Rather, we can explain it based on what Rabbi Eliezer said, ‘Since you know that you are like the children of God and God loves you even more than a parent loves a child, do not cut yourself for what bad things have happened, for everything that happens is for the best, even if we do not understand it, akin to a small child who does not understand the actions of parents, but relies on them…’”

I would like to propose that the phrase, “You are children of the Lord your God,” is not just telling us that we must look nice and not cut up (Rashi) or that everything God does is for good (Ramban), but that because we are children of God, we are in actuality good, and this is why we should not cut ourselves.  

The idea of cutting oneself when one is feeling depressed or despondent in the face of loss is fairly common today. According to psychologist Jill Hooley who heads Harvard’s experimental psychopathology program, a factor which stands out in interviews of people who self-harm is how often they spontaneously describe themselves as being “bad,” “defective” or “deserving of punishment”—”It was as if harming themselves or experiencing pain was somehow congruent with their highly negative self-image.” 

“To test this possibility, her team developed a measure that specifically assesses self-beliefs about being “bad” and deserving criticism. The higher a person’s score on negative self-beliefs, the longer they were willing or able to endure pain…Now, based on some of these findings, the researchers and their colleagues are exploring new ways to treat self-injury. In keeping with her discovery that self-worth is an important intervention variable, Hooley is taking a cognitive route. Clinicians might be able to lift self-injurers’ inclination to do bad things to themselves, she thinks, by helping them change what are often deeply ingrained negative self-views (Journal of American Psychological Association, 2015).”

I think this is exactly why the commandment in this parsha, not to cut ourselves in the face of loss, is prefaced by, “You are children of the Lord your God.”  If we see ourselves as the children of God, as made in God’s image, we will be inclined to view ourselves as fundamentally worthy and good even if we don’t always act virtuously. Perhaps, the verse is telling us that this realization that we are valuable in God’s eyes can stop us from hurting ourselves in the face of pain and loss and encourage us instead to turn to a more productive solution.  

Our fundamental human self-worth is a profoundly important message, but it is not one that our society does a good job of teaching and instilling within us. It is the mission of a religious community such as ours to integrate this value into what we do, so that all those who are part of the community feel as worthy as a child of God.